I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
