Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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