If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
