Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
