it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
