the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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