im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
