ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
