my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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