yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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