i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
