Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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