you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
