Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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