I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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