I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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