you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
