I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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