If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
