i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
