i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
