I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
