He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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