Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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