Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
