Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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