The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
