possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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