I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
