Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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