I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
