There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
