That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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