did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
