Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
