I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
