Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
