She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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