So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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