This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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