last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
