Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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