I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
