I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Less talking, more tequila
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
