I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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