she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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