there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
