Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
