look no pants
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
