and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
