It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
