I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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