Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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