Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
