come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
