if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
