$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Shame - the story of my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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