birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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